Field Trip
by INMH
Summary: For the worldwide spn community on LJ. Developed prior to the Season 7 premiere, could be considered a prequel to 'Build Me Up'. Sam and Dean go to India to find a way to stop Castiel. Kali is less than pleased.


Field Trip

Rating: PG-13/T

Genre: Humor/Drama

Summary: For the worldwide_spn community. Developed prior to the Season 7 premiere, could be considered a prequel to 'Build Me Up'. Sam and Dean go to India to find a way to stop Castiel. Kali is less than pleased.

Author's Note: …I procrastinate so much.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. It belongs to Eric Kripke.

()()

"No."

"Dean-"

"I can see you're going to argue, so maybe you didn't hear me: _Fuck_ no."

"Do you see any other option, Dean? Do you? Really?"

"I thought _you_ were supposed to be the smart one who thinks things like this through, and apparently _I'm _the only one who sees the dozens of different ways this could possibly go wrong."

"Okay, so, if we cut out all of the _possible ways_ that the _airplane flight_ could go wrong, how many things could go wrong?"

"_Plenty!_ Let's start with the fact that she _frickin' hates us!_"

"She doesn't _hate_ us-"

"She tried to drop a chandelier on us, Sam. A _chandelier!_ And then she stabbed Gabriel!"

"You hate Gabriel."

"Yeah, but she just- _Sucker-Stabbed _him!"

"Oh my God."

"_Ssh_- Ya idjit! You want to call him down?"

()()

Kali knew the Winchesters were in India the minute they stepped off the plane at Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport in Mumbai.

She faced a momentary but nonetheless serious debate.

The Winchester brothers were trouble. Trouble with a capital T-R-O-U-B-L-E. It followed them wherever they went, like that nursery rhyme about the little girl and her lamb. Given that India had the largest population of Hindus in the world, Kali was inclined to call India her country, her home. And she did not want those idiots bringing their typical brand of trouble to her home. Or if they did, she wanted them in and out as soon as possible. She'd take care of whatever problem they had personally if it meant that they went back to America and never returned.

At the same time, though, she was hesitant to actually give them the impression that she was desperate to get them out of India. The Winchester siblings were a remarkable combination of totally incompetent and surprisingly conniving all at once, so it wasn't impossible that they might turn the situation on her and say "Well, if you really want us gone so soon, you _could_ do this…"

Which _might_ lead to her doing a repeat performance of what she did to Mercury in Indiana during the meeting: If the angels are going to bring them back anyway, then why _not_ kill them to relieve a little tension?

Kali let out a slow breath and tapped a finger on the table. Her home was quiet, quaint, tucked away in the Aravalli Range; Monsoon season had just ended, and it was almost stiflingly humid, moisture clinging to her skin. She'd learned to ignore any weather that was not particular obtrusive or extreme a long time ago, though, and barely paid any mind to it.

An image of the Winchester brothers dropping dead from heatstroke made her smirk. Odd: However much trouble they were, it wasn't like she hated them. She just disliked them.

Even if they had started the apocalypse.

And more or less gotten Gabriel killed.

…She needed to get them out of India.

The sudden sense of another divine being behind her made Kali turn around, and she saw none other than Radha standing behind her, beaming as always.

"Radha."

"Kali."

Radha was Krishna's wife, a beauty in all senses of the word. Though you were unwise to voice favorites out loud, Radha was one of the members of their pantheon that Kali favored the most, as Radha was sweet and shy and at the same time intelligent and witty; Kali was hard pressed to find a time when Radha had ever spoken a cross word to someone.

As well as her utterly agreeable demeanor, Radha was able to empathize with Kali to a degree: Krishna was a wicked trickster, and he and Gabriel had rubbed elbows more than a few times over the past two thousand years, gleefully causing the kind of chaos that was, at times, too much for even Kali to handle.

Radha's smile was as brilliant and kind as ever, but Kali could see some concern in it as well. "Is something wrong, Radha?" She motioned for her fellow goddess to take a seat at the table, and Radha did gratefully. She was wearing a tight blue blouse and a looser red skirt, two of her preferred colors, and a pair of white and pink lotus-flower earrings. She always looked so _cheerful_, something that Kali usually found sickening on just about anyone else. Radha pulled it off without ever once looking foolish.

"Nothing is… _Wrong_, per se." Radha's smile became knowing. "I believe two acquaintances of yours just touched down in Mumbai."

Kali groaned out load and covered her eyes. "Please tell me it's only _you_ and not the whole of our pantheon that associates me with those fools." The smile became apologetic as Radha shook her head.

"That's why I'm here. Krishna is aware as well, and he… Took it upon himself to go and greet them at the airport."

Oh no. No, no, no.

Gabriel was bad enough, but if Krishna got the Winchesters alone he would have a _field day_.

On second thought, he just might be able to chase them away.

But clever Radha knew her too well. "You told me yourself how stubborn they are, Kali: They won't leave India until they either accomplish what they've come here to do or die trying."

Kali stood up, grim.

"It would seem they're going to die trying, then."

()()

Sam could understand that Dean had a phobia when it came to flying.

But he drew the line at excessive displays of gratitude that the plane had not crashed and burned in a fiery ball of doom.

"Dean- _Stop kissing the ground._"

"Screw you, man, the plane almost crashed!"  
>"It was-" Sam stopped and lowered his voice, sucking in a deep breath. "It was <em>turbulence,<em> Dean. People are staring!"

"_Let them!_"

"_You're acting like a five year-old!_"

"But kids are fun!"

Both Winchesters turned around to see an Indian man standing behind them with a Cheshire-Cat grin on his face. He was dressed in navy blue from head to toe, from his tie to his suit to his shirt and shoes, with gold laces and buttons. He seemed to be in that nebulous could be a mature twenty or could be a youthful forty age group, with curly dark hair and dark, glittering eyes.

His unusual clothing aside, warning bells went off in Sam's head when he noticed something far more ominous: A twinkle in the man's eye that was darkly reminiscent of a certain Trickster/Archangel that more or less _lived_ to give the Winchester brothers as many heart-attacks and headaches as possible.

"Uh, hey there." Dean climbed to his feet as though he hadn't just been kissing the ground seconds before. "You wouldn't happen to know where we could find Kali, would you?"

"Dean!"

"What?"

"He- You- He wouldn't-"

"Ah, so it's kali you're looking for!" The man cut in with an even more wicked edge to his grin. "Well-" He swiftly pulled a pocket-watch on a chain and swung it indicatively. "There's this kali-"

"Uh-"

"Or maybe you're looking for _this_ kali-" Out of the same pocket from which he'd pulled out the watch, the man now produced a small pellet. He squeezed and a puff of black smoke emerged from it, making Sam and Dean cough profusely.

"We're not-"

"Or maybe this kali is more for your tastes!"

From- again- the same pocket, the man produced a rolled up newspaper. Upon closer inspection, the brothers could see that it was the obituaries section.

"No, we're-"

"Ah, then you must be looking for _this_ kali!" He slipped a pamphlet out of the bottomless pocket and held it up with a wry grin. Sam took the pamphlet and looked it over, squinting (Thankfully, it was in English and not Hindi). It seemed to be extolling the God Shiva; if Sam recalled correctly, Shiva was one of the big, major Gods in Hinduism. It occurred to him that maybe finding Shiva would lead them to Kali, but then realized that this was a pamphlet, not a road map, and as there were no summoning spells for any of the Hindu Gods that they could find this was going to be another headache-

"What the hell? His name isn't even-"

"Thank you," Sam said quickly, handing the pamphlet back and punching Dean's arm as subtly as he could. "We'll be going now."

"Sam, we don't have time for this. We really don't. Buddy, we're looking for the _actual goddess_ Kali. Like, walks around in a blouse and skirt and maybe drops heavy ceiling decorations on people for fun-?"

The man stared at Dean for a long moment, like he had no idea what he was talking about, and then gave a shrug that was, again, eerily similar to the exaggerated ones that Gabriel had once given them.

"Haven't the foggiest idea who you're talking about."

Dean, who seemed to be about ready to call bullshit, opened his mouth to speak when-

"I'll take it from here, Krishna."

Both brothers whirled around to see the object of their search approaching from behind, looking none too pleased (Which would explain the crowd of people behind her that seemed to have parted like the Red Sea when she'd appeared).

"Kali!" Sam exclaimed. Then his eyes narrowed, and he whipped back around to face the man, who was grinning like the cat that got caught in the canary cage, but still managed to get his meal in. "And you're Krishna."

"You've heard of me!" Krishna said brightly.

"You were pals with Gabriel?"

"Oh Gabriel. Dear old Gabriel. The world lost so much laughter when Lucifer ventilated him." Krishna sighed. Sam and Dean might have shown some sympathy, as Krishna obviously seemed seriously regretful about Gabriel's death, if he hadn't spent the last five minutes screwing with them. "So, Kali, kept the humans busy for you!"

"Thank you." Kali's voice was flat, and her eyes never left the Winchesters.

"Not a problem. You know I love to help. You were always easy to please."

"Thank you, Krishna."

"You know, I could stick around and give you a hand, maybe show these two around Mumbai if you're busy-"

"_Thank you, Krishna_."

Kali's voice adopted a razor-edge that made Krishna jump, and the other god was gone in the blink of an eye. While Krishna's mischievous demeanor had been rearing highly unpleasant memories of Gabriel and his shenanigans, the brothers suddenly realized that with him gone, they were stuck with the woman that had once pulled the Darth-Vader Choke Trick just by looking at someone. Oh, and the chandelier thing. Can't forget the chandelier thing.

Damn.

Kali stared at the brothers for a moment, and then turned and motioned wordlessly for them to follow her. She started off back the way she came at a brisk pace. After a moment of brief, exchanged looks of "WTF" between the brothers, they followed soon after.

"Should we just be following her?" Sam whispered.

"You wanna be the one that tells her 'no'?" Dean quipped. Sam shook his head, but he did speak up.

"Ah, where are we going?"

"Coffee shop." Kali responded, and they saw the shop (The Buzz Bar) up ahead. "I'm not sure I'll be able to do this without caffeine."

"Good point." Dean remarked, marking the first time that Sam ever made any kind of civil word towards the goddess (noting that he was unaware of Dean's initial flirtation with Kali at the Elysian Fields). They stepped inside, found a table, and were quickly approached by a waitress.

"Coffee." Kali muttered.

"Coffee." Sam seconded.

"Uh… What's samosa?" Kali didn't respond, giving him a flat look, and Dean sniffed. "Well, excuse me for wanting to experience the cuisine." The waitress disappeared with their orders and Kali pinched the bridge of her nose.

"All right. What do you want?"

"How'd you know we were here?"

Kali's hand fell away and she gave Dean the kind of look that said 'What? Really? Are you _really_ that stupid?'

"Dean, she's a Goddess. Of course she knew we were here."

"We've ganked gods before. They didn't see it coming."

"I don't know if you've noticed," Kali remarked sardonically, "But outside of the three Judeo-Christian sects, Hinduism happens to be doing quite well for itself. We are not short on followers or belief. Now _what do you want?_"

The waitress returned with the coffee and food, and Sam waited until she'd wandered away before he started. "There's this angel- a friend of ours-" Dean grunted at that, but Sam continued on. "-he kind of… Well- He opened purgatory and swallowed all of these souls, and now he's as powerful as a God. And we… Kind of don't know what to do about it."

Kali's expression was unreadable. The spoon she'd been using to mix the sugar into her coffee had gone still, though, when Sam mentioned purgatory. "How powerful is he? Give me an estimate."

"Powerful enough to kill Raphael by snapping his fingers." Dean remarked, jabbing at the pastry on his plate sharply.

"The archangel?"

"No, the teenage-mutant ninja-turtle, princess-"

"I shouldn't have to remind you that I can make your stomach bleed at will." Kali warned icily, and Dean's mouth snapped shut. Sam's eyes flickered between the two nervously, but all Kali did was make a noise that sounded a bit like a sigh. "How many souls?"

"Uh…" Sam thought for a moment, glancing at Dean. "…Millions?"

"Something like that."

Kali's lip twitched like she was about to sneer. "Problematic."

"You're telling us."

The brothers didn't know it, but Kali was already aware of some strange instances occurring around the globe: Mass healings, slimy religious figures dropping dead or being exposed, wars grinding to a halt. The good being rewarded and the bad being punished and whatnot. Up until now, though, Kali had been unaware that it was an angel that was responsible, or that he was using souls from purgatory as his power source.

Surprising: Usually word traveled faster on the divine grapevine.

"This is your friend?" She inquired.

"_Was._" Dean snapped. Kali cocked an eyebrow at his bitterness, but didn't comment.

"Was." She affirmed. "Well, if he's as powerful as you say and he's refusing to stop his actions willingly… Then I shouldn't have to tell you that there's only one solution." She studied their expressions carefully, and saw that both brothers' expressions were appropriately dark. Sam's face was grim, and Dean was glaring at his plate.

"We know." Sam said. "We just don't know how to… Go about it."

"He blew up an archangel with his fingers." Dean interjected bluntly. Kali rapped the tabletop with her fingers, nails clicking, as she thought.

She was powerful, yes- But underestimating this angel-made-god would be idiotic. This was precisely why Kali had jumped to war at the council at Muncie: Taking a threat from the Judeo-Christian pantheon lightly was foolish, and jumping on it while you had the chance was your best opportunity for success.

All the same… This was unprecedented. No one God had ever swallowed that many souls at once, Jehovah being the obvious possible exception. But he'd never gone off the deep-end and tried to wipe the rest of them out, so it had never been an issue. This new god had apparently decided that excessive force conflicting with the interests of other pantheons was acceptable.

And that he had the power to back up his actions.

Kali let out a slow huff.

Trouble. Always trouble with these Winchesters.

"Who is this angel?"

"Castiel."

Oh, fun: Kali had heard of Castiel. He was the one that had been at the head of the rebellion against heaven. He was tenacious, strong, willful… The exact opposite of most angels.

Except maybe Gabriel.

Kali took a slow, deep breath.

"If I promise," She said carefully, "To make a sincere effort to find a way to stop Castiel, will you two _promise_ to leave and _never_ come back to India?"

Sam and Dean blinked at her, and then nodded enthusiastically.

"Sure!"

"Hell yes, I hate plane trips!"

"Good. I'll work on it. Now get the hell out of my country."

-End

The joke regarding Krishna and "kali" is that Kali's name comes from the word "kala" which can mean time, black, death, lord of death, or Shiva. Point being, it's supposed to be a play on words (I tried, all right?)


End file.
